Untouchable
by JibbsGal1
Summary: This is a song-fic using "My Skin" by Natalie Merchant. You don't have to listen to the song first, but it would probably help if you did. It takes place near the end of Season 5 so needless to say it does not have a happy ending.


A/N: My muse for my other story seems to be on a break but I wrote this - my first true foray into song-fic and it's dark. I got the idea after hearing the song, "My Skin" by Natalie Merchant. Originally I suggested that Mrs. Elizabeth Gibbs listen to it because it seemed right up her alley. Then I listened again and got my own ideas for a one-shot. It's set near the end of Season 5 so needless to say it does not have a happy ending. And one final FYI: Some of it repeats a bit too much, so I removed those paragraphs of the song.

***JIBBS***JIBBS***JIBBS***

_Take a look at my body_

_Look at my hands_

_There's so much here_

_That I don't understand_

Terminal. The word and all it meant flattened her. Jenny knew she had to come to terms with the doctor's diagnosis, but how could she be dying? Sure, some strange things had been happening lately that she couldn't explain - but dying? Ducky confirmed. The sadness in her friend's eyes made it even worse… and more real.

_Your face saving promises_

_Whispered like prayers_

_I don't need them_

When you learn you're dying, all the BS falls away. Often it's replaced with clarity and regret. She knew without a doubt that she still loved him. No man had ever come close to the grip he had on her heart. But she couldn't tell Jethro. She didn't need his pity. And she knew that's all it would be now.

_I've been treated so wrong_

_I've been treated so long_

_As if I'm becoming untouchable_

He not only had stopped loving her, he had stopped trusting her and their interactions were pained at best and downright heartbreaking at worst. Well, her heart - not his. The only comfort and the only joy Jenny had felt in ages from Jethro - came from the dog of the same name. He'd been facing death as well. They understood each other.

_Contempt loves the silence_

_It thrives in the dark_

_With fine winding tendrils_

_That strangle the heart_

He finally cornered her and asked the big question. She lied. For some reason, it was easier to accept his anger than his pity. She was used to his antagonism. She'd been staring it in the face since he returned from Mexico. Could she really place all the blame on his shoulders? She hadn't done anything to mend things between them. She'd shut him out during her quest for vengeance. Perhaps it was that unyielding pursuit for revenge, the secrets it forced her to keep from him all these years, that caused the sickness within her. Did she bring it upon herself? Would she have been saved if she engaged in love rather than vengeance?

_They say that promises_

_Sweeten the blow_

_But I don't need them_

_No, I don't need them_

Jenny knew if she told Jethro, he'd be there for her. But not in the way she _wanted_ for him to be there - it wouldn't be love. And if it was, it wouldn't be passionate love. Paris was over. It was her fault. She left him. If she told him she was sick, he'd never leave her. He'd stay with her to the end. But she couldn't bear to see his face as he watched her die. She couldn't do that to him. He'd already survived so much. She'd seen him broken. The way he cried in the hospital over Shannon still haunted her. She looked down at the letter she'd started… "Dear Jethro…" She shook her head before she buried it beneath some papers.

_I've been treated so wrong_

_I've been treated so long_

_As if I'm becoming untouchable_

The cutting edge therapy she tried in Europe left her feeling lonely, shaken and… still dying. Even if there was any ounce of him that nonetheless wanted her, how could he now? Jenny's body felt foreign to her. She barely recognized herself.

_I'm a slow dying flower_

_Frost killing hour_

_The sweet turning sour_

_And untouchable_

Had she imagined their affair being that special? If it was, how could she have walked away? How could he not come after her? She was rescued from her thoughts by a ringing telephone in the middle of the night. Decker. Grief overwhelmed her.

_Oh, I need_

_The darkness_

_The sweetness_

_The sadness_

_The weakness_

_Oh, I need this_

Mortality. It was everywhere around her. It made her own more real. She would do this for Decker. She would go pay her respects. Would Jethro join her? She needed him to join her. William had been his friend and co-worker too. The three of them in Paris… so many memories of each other tied together.

_I need_

_A lullaby_

_A kiss goodnight_

_Angel sweet_

_Love of my life_

_Oh, I need this_

He turned her down, and the hole in her heart widened. It was decided that Ziva and Tony would accompany her to Los Angeles. Maybe it was for the best. Away from everything else, she may have given in. She may have told him. One look in his blue eyes, and she knew her resolve to spare him would melt away. It broke her heart, but better hers this time.

_I'm a slow dying flower_

_Frost killing hour_

_The sweet turning sour_

_And untouchable_

Mike Franks. Irritating man. Now he knows. Not that it matters. It will more than likely all end here anyway. And that would be better. Her terms, her way - saving the man who made Jenny the woman she was - a woman made to be with him.

_Do you remember the way_

_That you touched me before_

_All the trembling sweetness_

_I loved and adored?_

Mike's words sent her mind reeling. Could Jethro still have feelings for her? Was it possible? The mere thought brought a kind of peace to her aching heart. Maybe what they had in Paris was as special to him as it was to her. Maybe it was real. It was the closest thing to love she had ever experienced. No man had ever made love to her, possessed her - taken over her thoughts like he had. If she closed her eyes, she could still feel his arms around her, telling her everything would be all right. They would survive this fight, this mission. She could feel his soft lips on hers - saving promises whispered as prayer.

_Well, is it dark enough?_

_Can you see me?_

_Do you want me?_

_Can you reach me?_

_Or I'm leaving_

Just the thought that Jethro's heart wasn't completely cold and indifferent to her gave Jenny the strength to end this here and now. She had to protect him. She had to do for him what he'd always done for her. It was her time to step up. It was her turn. Here they come.

_You better shut your mouth_

_Hold your breath_

_Kiss me now you'll catch your death_

_Oh, I mean it_

_Oh, I need this. _


End file.
